Tag: Rachel’s Notes

Week 37 Pregnancy Notes

December 11th, 2016

I have not been blogging about this pregnancy just because I was so nervous about what had happened to Noël. I found the journal I had started with her and even the pages from my journaling bible that I had spent time reading to her.

I also realized that I do not talk to this little boy as much as I did with Noël.

My thoughts for tonight, however, are more drawn towards how weary I have been feeling with everyone’s demands. I feel as if I am not even sure what I want or what to expect and yet so many people have voiced out their excitement and expectations and plans to me. I realized this boy is not simply mine, but I so long for intimate time with just him and I, and Nash, of course.

I don’t want to have to cater or entertain and miss out on precious moments with my son. I want to experience labor and delivery in the solemnity that it is.

However, more importantly, I want to honor my God. If that means humbling myself and giving in to “life’s demands” over my own desires, then so be it. I just hope that in the next 4 weeks, I will be able to discern what exactly that looks like and surrender my heart to His will.

“Teach me to do your will, for you are my God! Let your good spirit lead me on level ground.” –Psalm 143:10
God's Absolute Goodness

January 11th, 2016

Seven days ago, Nash and I experienced the miscarriage of our sweet, 10-week-old child. It feels like lifetimes have passed, and I cannot imagine why the world has passed me by while this tragic event has happened. It feels as though it would be appropriate for the world to be at a standstill and mourn such a victory that sin has triumphed over us.

I’m sure many people feel this way after a loss or a tragedy occurs. I feel as if I could sleep for days on end and I would still wake up tired, discontent, circumstances unchanging. I feel this way, and it is true. However, I have learned that my initial thought of death through sin being a victor is a shallow and fleeting thought.

The truth of the matter is, sin may have triumphed, but only in death. God is still sovereign over all.

If there is one thing that Nash and I have learned this past week, it’s that God’s good character is an absolute. It does not change, and circumstance is not outside His view or His control. Carrying a 10-week old child in my womb was good, but God’s plan of taking away our child was better.

I may not know why right now, but my microscopic view of this event has a telescopic perspective that is a part of God’s sovereign plan for us.

We get to learn from Paul’s account of his suffering that pain and hardship is a great opportunity for Christ’s power to rest on us. “But He said to me, “my grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness”.”– 2 Corinthians 12:9

So many people have asked us if we are angry, or assured us that it is an appropriate emotion. However, we have not encountered a hint of doubt or anger towards God’s decision. If anything, we feel absolutely humbled. We have realized that none of what we have, we deserve. His grace and mercy abounds all the more.

We thank God for the opportunity to learn, to grow. And while we have lost so much, we know that there is great gain in the hope that is Christ.

55 “O death, where is your victory? O death, where is your sting?”

56 The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law.

57 But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

58 Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain. – 1 Corinthians 15:55-58

Family and our Church has been such a stronghold during this time. I am so grateful for their sweet fellowship!

Tag: Rachel’s Notes

Week 37 Pregnancy Notes

God's Absolute Goodness